


You Are to See the Sunlight Again

by SatisfactoryAnswer



Category: Mushishi
Genre: Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Coming of Age, Featuring, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, Mushi (Mushishi), POV Third Person Omniscient, Past Character Death, an exploration of what ginko would have been like if he had like, and Adashino being an obnoxious friend, and Nui being a badass mushi master, angsty teen ginko XD, bc thats my favorite pov and i don't see enough of it, expect detailed descriptions of food and nature, happy bby ginko, hinting of ginko/tanyuu but nothing much more than canon, idk an actual adult figure in his childhood, lol me pretending like im a mom, sad bby ginko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28366242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatisfactoryAnswer/pseuds/SatisfactoryAnswer
Summary: After Yoki is nearly taken by the Ginko himself and loses all memories of his life, both Nui and Ginko realize there is still hope for them to pursue the rest of her life despite their past hardships. With each other as company, they travel around the country, solving Mushi cases for the common good and pursing knowledge, while finding solace in each others support, coming to terms with their painful pasts, and enjoying the gift of the life they have ahead of them. And of course, antics take place as Nui attempts to raise Ginko on the road and Ginko gets to act like a child for probably a little too long.
Kudos: 3





	1. The Pond's Light

**Author's Note:**

> So you know how Nui nerfed herself with the Ginko/Tokoyami. Yeah. Well this is an exploration of what could have been if she didn't disappear and instead travels as a Mushi-shi with Ginko as kind of an adoptive mother/son duo. I think its just really cute and I want to write something hopeful since I be sad a lot lol. Mushishi has really helped me stay out of a big rut during this whole Covid-19 thing so I want to focus on its themes of life and just accepting the world as it is, while still doing good for others.
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic so please enjoy! I am open to polite constructive criticism, although I am mainly doing this for fun and to improve my writing and idea generation. This will be around 10 chapters most likely, although I do have school still after break so I cannot guarantee super consistent updates. Title may possibly change, but probably not. The title is from the line Nui says to Ginko/Yoki before the Ginko consumes her. "You must keep one eye closed if you are to see the sunlight again," or something like that

Nui moved swiftly through the forest with experienced feet guiding her. Before she reached the forest edge, she halted. The light of the pond had grown almost blinding, and despite her urge to get to Yoki, she could not step fully into the light.  
Not yet.  
It finally faded after what seemed like an eternity, and she rushed forward towards where the boy had fallen on the ground.  
“Yoki!” She called, dropping to her knees and shaking him roughly. His hair - his hair was now a shocking white, as white as the pond’s eerie light. His skin had gone from a sun kissed tan to a sickly looking pale. Nui nudged his cheek to reveal his face, although she knew what was going to be there. Yoki’s now emerald green eye and empty socket focused on her with the same dazed, terrified stare he’d given her after the mudslide. This time though, he seemed like a completely different person, almost as if a stranger had shown up and taken his body.  
“Yoki. What happened? “ she demanded. “I told you not to go near the pond for so lo-”  
“Ginko?” he murmured. Nui stopped halfway through her surely deserved tirade. Oh. Yes, she had forgotten about that aspect of the Tokoyami. 

Dragging Yoki to his feet, she led him back to the house, taking care to lead him past the rocks sticking out beside him and up the steps.  
“Sit here,” She placed him on the mat beside the kagizuru, assuring he was still awake before she began to prepare a simple meal of rice and the fish she had caught from a nearby, Tokyami free stream. Behind her, Yoki’s tiny voice kept whispering the same word to himself, “Gin...ko.Gink..o?” as if trying to remember something. He felt cold, and empty on the inside, and wanted to tell this woman what had happened, but the word Ginko was the only thing that his mind could supply. Nui did not question this - she was just relieved that he’d remembered her instructions on how to escape the Ginko. Before Yoki could even take form the question as he turned to her, now ready to speak, Nui began to tell him everything in detail. Even how his mother had died in a landslide, she had healed his leg, and now the current event of him...disobeying her….and standing near the edge of the pond for a prolonged time, and the Tokoyami getting to him. Perhaps she should not have said all of this, she vaguely thought. Still she did not see why he could not handle the truth. After all, the first step to accepting one's past was to face it. Nui knew this all too well. 

“There were Tokoyami living in this pond,” she explained to Yoki- no, it was Ginko for now. This was the only word he seemed to be responding to now, just giving her a blank expression when she said his real name. “They have consumed your memories, and your eye,”  
Ginko frowned at her for a long time, his newly turned green eye unnaturally bright in the dimming room before widening in understanding.  
“Will it take my other eye too?” He whispered. “What if it takes your other eye too?”  
Nui shook her head and stood to check the rice that steamed over the fire. It did not need tending really, but an odd feeling passed through her when she laid eyes on Ginko for too long.  
“It may. You must stay away from the pond, Ginko or it will take all of you, as it does to the fish that live there”  
“....ok, uh N-Ni”  
“Nui”  
Silence hung in the cabin, only broken by the sound of the wind, and of course, the ever present, yet quiet rippling of the pond in question. Nui lit a match to light the oil lamp beside them, its orange flame illuminating the scared face of Ginko in front of her.  
“What if it takes both of us? Then what?” He blurted out. His bottom lip trembled, clearly close to tears now that the thoughts were processing. He didn’t want to see the huge white fish again, or be blind, or worse…  
Nui sighed tiredly as she sliced the steamed fish and placed it into a bowl for Ginko and herself. Ginko didn’ t take it, as he was busy wiping his tears away with his dirty sleeves, reminding Nui that she would need to wash his yukata at some point.  
“Nobody knows for sure what happens to those consumed by the Tokoyami. I presume they turn into light and become part of it,” Nui told him, biting back her words to prevent herself from reminding the child that the fish in the pond did not lose both eyes for the same reason her husband and son were gone.  
_Her son..._  
It had been a long time since Nui was feeding and comforting a child. With Ginko currently crying at the idea of death and something even beyond death that he couldn’t name, it made Nui ache with pain remembering her own boy. How he cried and shrieked as a baby, clinging to her robes and hair tightly, how the constant need to clean, feed, bathe him was exhausting, the sadness she shared with him when she had to part with him for his own safely painful. Yet, the struggles did not compare to the joy of holding him in her arms again, his smiles and bright laughter when he called her and his father, how he wobbled on his shaky legs with his stubby hands outstretched towards her…..The desire to embrace Ginko was growing, but had not overtaken the part of her that resisted, that told her, _he is not your child. Do not grow attached ___  
She had to stop now, or she would end up like Ginko, sniffling still, but was now gulping his food without chewing. They finished in silence as the night grew dark rapidly, Ginko burying himself under the blanket she provided him and snoring quietly. His peaceful face at least was able to bring a small smile to Nui’s face. However, as she too lay down across the room from him, she gazed up at the dark wooden ceilings and listened to the crickets. The darkness that only came from closing her eye...no, it did not scare her. She was not a child like Ginko. So then what was this strange mixture of feelings? Ginko's question lurked in her mind that night  


__What if it takes both of us? Then what?_ _


	2. A Creeping Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nui and Ginko cope with the aftermath of the Tokoyami incident

The next few days were a blur of events, and an ever growing storm of emotions. Nui woke early to restart the fire, put on tea and make a simple breakfast soup of vegetable scraps and fish heads from previous meals, as well as steamed rice. She was running low on her basic supplies since Ginko arrived, and would need to make a trip to the nearest village again soon. She and Ginko ate in silence, and Nui did not bother to correct his messy eating, nor make conversation. They went into the forest by the peak of the day to haul water and collect as much foraged mushrooms, nuts, fish, berries, and greens as they could before it would grow too cold, and she held Ginko’s hand again to prevent him from bumping into trees and thorns as they moved. Nui would once again usually chide him for not paying attention to his surroundings, but felt sympathy considering she too had fumbled around like this after her own incident. The loss of vision in one eye affected one more profoundly than she’d initially thought. Nui had a few records detailing these changes that she intended to share with Ginko. He would need it if he were or adjust properly. But he did not seem to be able to read. Just another thing she’d have to handle.

Ginko sat quietly by her as she explained that he could not ever ever eat the red mushrooms with white dots or he would see terrifying visions. A pang of guilt hit her as she recalled how Yoki would vocally gag at any mushroom or green she offered him, ask incessant questions and then increasingly ridiculous ones to make her laugh. Ginko now nodded quietly and inspected everything she showed him with a calm focus bordering on sleepiness. He did not want to have any scary visions from the bright mushroom, although he greatly wanted to know what it tasted like. So he did not say anything, just listened as he was supposed to.  
_At least he’s learning_ she thought, because she had learnt that the hard way.  
_But this is your fault...._

No, their days weren’t turbulent, or eventful, but their minds were racing at a million thoughts per minute. Nui could not get the panic she had felt as the white light flooded the clearing and she could imagine it, imagine Yoki going away and leaving nothing like her husband and baby had. Then, she mused, she would be entirely alone in this world with nobody - just as she had been before Yoki had stumbled across her path. But at the same time, she felt almost angry - why hadn’t Ginko just listened to her instructions and stayed far from the pond? Then none of this would have happened, and she would have sent him away to somewhere safer eventually.  
_Would you really have though?_ The tiny voice in her mind asked. She could not believe the sheer sense of relief that she felt at Ginko’s new appearance. Even though it was weird and uncomfortably similar to herself, it meant he was alive, he was still here with her. This thought made her grip Ginko’s small hand tighter as they made their way back to the home, appreciating its warmth while attempting to ignore her growing distress at the thought of him gone.

Ginko did not like his face much. He did not remember looking any different than he did now, although the tall woman with white hair named Nui told him his hair and eyes were black, and his skin was a little darker. But Nui also had one green eye and pale skin like him, so this did not seem like it should be correct. He confirmed his appearance in any reflective surface he could find, but he could only see his own current reflection with its one eye staring back when he looked at himself through the stream, a spoon, a mug, or the small dusty mirror on Nui’s desk that she had told him to put down. When he opened his right eye - it was black and empty. Had his hair been that black before? Blackness seemed to him like an endless void, endless yet fleeting at the same time , and the idea made him uneasy. True darkness only came when he closed his eyes at night, trying to imagine himself differently, but was only greeted by confusing nightmares. Flashes of white around him, complete silence followed by crashes, shrieks of people he didn’t even know, the feeling of falling helplessly into blackness only to be smothered by a heaviness all around him prevented him from sleeping peacefully. felt that something was wrong with him, with this situation, but had no basis for what was right. It was as if wherever he stepped, there was something following him, something clinging onto him, but he could never see it in time before it disappeared. Perhaps it was the dark space he dreamt of? Could darkness even move? Even though Ginko knew that dreams were not reality, all his dreams were frighteningly realistic in a way he couldn’t explain. And so, his ten year old mind was growing increasingly frustrated and frightened with this state of being. Why did nothing seem right, nothing made sense even when Nui explained it to him? Everything in his daily life felt so hard to accomplish. Why could he not walk as confidently around this forest as Nui could, but instead reached for things he knew should be there, only to find his hand grasping around thin air, his body slamming right into things that were not there one second, but now there as he turned his head? It was as if he’d never even woken up, but was just stumbling around in a different version of his dreams.  
And sure, Nui was nice - she gave him food and tea, and let him sleep in her house, and told him things about the little glowing creatures around the forest - but why was she here if she was not his mother, like she kept reminding him? Did she not want him here, eating all her food and crying at night?  
_That must be why she keeps talking about mushrooms,_ he thought. _She wants you to leave soon,_  
It was exhausting to have so much swirling about in one's head, and he fought tears back all day. Nui had told him to stop in her low serious voice, so he did not want to risk disappointing her. When the long days finally ended, Ginko buried his face into the sleeves of his yukata and let the hot tears spill out and down his face until his eyes finally closed. He did not wake until Nui began to move around, or until one of his dreams jolted him awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine that Nui would get basic supplies like rice, tea, ink and paper, some other things from a town or merchant since she doesn’t seem to have a large farm. She could buy a lot and not have to leave for a while.


	3. What Has Been and What Could Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nui rediscovers her past adventures and Ginko dreams of his own, along with some worms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if these chapter titles are good lol I just title it based on the theme of the chapter. Things will be picking up so to say soon, I just want to make sure I kind of pinpoint the change in Nui's motivations. Please leave a comment and kudo if you liked :D I know barely anyone is reading Mushi-shi fanfic but here we all are

“Nui, what happens if both of the fish’s eyes are gone?” Ginko asked her early one morning as they hauled water and forest findings back before the sun rose.  
Nui frowned and paused to look at him. The child was still standing by the stream, staring out at seemingly nothing.  
“I told you once before Ginko,” she said, speaking slowly. “There are no fish who have lost both eyes. They will be consumed completely.”  
The cheerful sound of the birds singing betrayed their uncomfortable silence. Ginko turned around and gave her a pointed frown that she did not care for before picking up his bucket with both arms and following her back to the house. 

The next day evening Nui resumed her reading and writing lessons with Ginko. He was usually quite a fast learner, but lately kept looking out the windows, or rubbing his right cheek, or chewing his brush for the past few days.  
“Ginko. Focus on your brushstrokes, or the writing will not be legible,” she told him, poking his shoulder. Well, it was too late to save that character. While searching through her own writings and those purchased from other Mushi-shi throughout the years for simple phrases for Ginko to read, she came across documents she hand’t read in years. Many were reports describing new variations in Mushi behavior, and treatments both failed and successful, as well as how to administer them. One wrote:

_“I have heard stories of lands where it turns into spring when it is not truly time. Harumagai (False Spring) is what the Mushi-master I spoke to the previous summer called the false spring effect caused by the Usobuki. I have not been able to observe these Mushi in action, but the false springtime blossoms in the winter, with sleeping animals all around the lush green vegetation. Dormant trees and cold wind surround it, yet the Harumagai is warm. Process with caution, as living species have been said to fall asleep all through the winter.”_

The false spring. Now how could something as strange as that leave her mind? Nui shifted through more and was shocked to see her own handwriting, a little sloppy on the wrinkled parchment, yet legible. They seemed to be directions on the back of a map she remembered exchanging with a fellow Mushi-shi:

_“Head south from Mount Eboshi. Follow the river until you arrive at a village along the river with distinct pointed roofs and a shrine. There, request directions to get to the Karibusa estate”_

She had written that? It had been years since Nui shuffled through these scrolls, since she’d even been reminded of her past travels. It was if they never even happened after the incident. An almost endless catalog of knowledge of mushi over the years? How could she have forgotten that? Nui was remembering how curious she’d been, how eager she was to learn everything about all the strange Mushi that existed. Where had that excitement gone? It seemed to have faded alongside her past life. Finally, she picked up a parchment that was a simple map with towns and features named on it. Although she was thinking about reading more of those buried away papers, Ginko was sitting behind her and she could feel his attention slipping away with each moment. Ever since he had asked her about the fish the other morning, he just seemed in a world of his own. Nui did not want him to think too hard about this cruel fact, but it was probably only a matter of time before he arrived at the logical conclusion.  
“Read this for me out loud Ginko, and then you may go play,”  


Ginko shot up and dashed outside as fast as he could once the reading lesson was over. Sitting in the house with Nui teaching him to write and read was dull and scary. Ginko purposely wrote poorly, misread words so that Nui wouldn’t make him leave faster. He knew this was close to lying, but it seemed the only choice. With his legs carrying him fast through the forest in a green blur past him, he felt free from his reality. He ran up to the stream, making sure to stop and throw several shiny rocks to watch them splash, and turn over a rock to watch all the insects underneath squirm and slither around. For some reason he particularly liked the pale worms that retreated underground when the light hit them. And then he did the secret thing he had not told Nui. Ginko turned to make sure Nui didn’t suddenly materialize behind him. After confirming this, he hopped over the stream and kept walking. He did not know where he was going, but Ginko now regularly pondered what was beyond the stream. Perhaps a huge river, or maybe even the ocean? Nui, both orally, and in some of the texts he pretended to not understand she'd traveled, about some of the amazing places she’d been - towns and cities where merchants sold candies and cakes, teahouses brewed tea for you in painted cups, and performers and musicians put on plays and shows in the streets. Surely if he walked far enough he would find one of these places. Then he would tell Nui and the two of them would leave the stuffy house and watch a play, or eat something besides rice and mushrooms. But now the sides of the trees and leaves were glowing orange, and he knew it would get dark soon. Nui said to be home before the sun went down even though they had no issues walking in the dark. So Ginko sighed and turned tail to run back so Nui would not figure out he’d disobeyed her. Of course though, he stopped to check on the bugs again before leaving. Cupping his hands in the cold stream, he dribbled some water under the rock for the pale worms so they would have some water underground before dashing off.

Nui squinted at Ginko as they ate another quiet dinner. He kept glancing away from her and she noticed the bottom of his yukata seemed damp.  
_Interesting_  


It was another night of both of them pretending to be asleep. Ginko did his best to focus on his thoughts about the worms he’d seen, not the bad thing he’d done by going past the stream. Nui was almost asleep actually, dozing off while trying to imagine what a false spring would look like.  
“Nui. Nui, are you asleep?” Ginko’s whisper snapped her out of her thoughts.  
“Yes, I am,” she responded.  
“Oh. Sorry,”  
Nui had to giggle at this despite almost being asleep.“What is it Ginko?”  
“How do worms see underground? ’’  
She had not been expecting that one, truthfully. Children were always full of strange questions at strange times.  
“What made you think of this question?” She asked him, turning her head. He was tucked into his neck, his eye shining. Both of them could clearly see each other.  
“...I saw a lot of worms today,’’  
“I do not really know. I suppose they can see even in the dark, like you and I can,” she told him, waiting for another question. Ginko never asked only one question.  
“Do they have eyes?” There it was. The expected vision and eye related question. Perhaps she should have pretended to be asleep.  
“I believe they have eyes so small we can not see them,” Nui said, shutting her own eye.  
“Oh,”  
More quiet and crickets chirping outside.  
“Nui?”  
“....”  
“Can you see without eyes?”  
Nui sighed at this one. How did this boy always manage to make every conversation come back to these dark topics that she frankly did not care to think about for too long.  
“Go to sleep Ginko,”  
“...Yes Nui,”  
Ginko obeyed and tried his best to sleep. He closed his eye and imagined he was a wriggling white worm underground, traveling through the dirt with his tiny eyes, able to see everything in the dark. It did not take much imagining, he soon realized, and the idea of being buried under the Earth gave him scary dreams that night. He did not know that Nui dreamt of approaching a forest of lush green, with chirping birds, a bright warming sun, and the figure of a happy boy digging in the ground in front of her. It was one of the few pleasant dreams she’d had in a long time, until the image was eclipsed by black and she woke up to the same dark patch of ceiling of her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The village I am referencing is kind of supposed to be Ogimachi village along the Shō River. The river originates from Mount Eboshi (烏帽子岳, Eboshi-dake), so I thought it would make sense to follow it then get instructions from townspeople. If anyone reading this is cringing because I know not that much about Japanese geography, sorry XD. I am just using Wikipedia to try and find real-life landmarks for this fic that look similar to the places in Mushi-shi without getting too focused on little details and never finishing the story! I thought the surroundings of Mount Eboshi resemble the Karibusa place somewhat.


	4. The Right Path Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginko thinks Nui just needs some nudging in the right direction if they both are to be happy and stay together. Nui knows she needs to make a decision before its too late for them both, but finds herself struggling with her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is the chapter before Nui and Ginko start going places. I am planning on continuing for a few more chapters. The Mushi-shi fandom is very small online, so if you liked, please consider leaving a kudos and comment :D

“Nui, look!” Ginko raced up to her with dirt all over his hands and the water bucket he’d arrived with not present. He presented to her...the worms.  
“Very nice Ginko,” she said. “Now go get your bucket,” But Ginko shook his head and insistently shoved his hand up closer.  
“Look, you can see through it! Why?” He demanded.  
“What is with you and these worms, Ginko? She scolded, growing unexpectedly upset with him. “They are just worms and nothing more! Now put them down!”. Ginko hung his head, lip starting to quiver, and Nui instantly felt wrong for yelling at him.  
“I just thought..you would like them too,” he mumbled. They reminded him of himself and Nui in a way that was hard to explain to her, or even to himself.  
Nui sighed.  
“I do like them Ginko, its just..” she glanced at him looking at her expectantly and quickly made something up.  
“Leave them in the stream. They cannot survive outside of the dirt,” there, that would make him forget her sudden anger hopefully. Ginko did not forget, but he buried them back under their rock with disappointment. As they trekked back to the house there was a somewhat tense air between them,  
“Do you think they get bored under the dirt all the time, Nui?” Ginko wanted to see what she would say this time. She only shrugged. She did not believe worms had the capacity for boredom.  
“Do you get bored when I go play? You should come with me,” He offered. That would surely make her feel better, right? To his delight, Nui actually smiled. Although the worm incident had bothered her, she could not bring herself to be mad with the boy for much longer.  
“Yes Ginko, I will come with you today,”

Playing with a child that was not her own had always been weird for Nui. Truthfully, she did not particularly like children except her son. They were loud and grimy, and asked her invasive questions. Among their favorites were:  
“Where’s your husband?  
"Why is your hair a weird color?"  
"Are you old?  
"Do you have any mushi in your box? "  
and the surprisingly common:  
“My mother and father say Mushi-masters are cursed by the gods!” 

Her son had liked to climb up her and screech with delight when she swung him around or her husband carried him on his shoulders. She would bring him back little wooden toys or beautiful shells that he’d chew on as a baby, and then create elaborate games with as he grew older. Her husband had been a good father while she was away. When she found them gone, Nui realized how little she’d spent time with them both together. How her son must’ve missed her, barely understanding that this was for his own safety, not because his mother didn’t love him fully. Her husband must have worried deeply for her safety while caring for their child and working in the fields, knowing that they would never truly be a regular family because his wife brought such strange occurrences with her. 

So now, pushing Ginko up to help him climb a tree seemed unfair. Unfair that this strange child who stumbled upon her was getting more of her undivided attention than her own child. That Ginko would get to grow up and her baby would not. This feeling would seemingly never leave her no matter the years that passed. It just grew into a cold, heavy fog that filled her mind and obscured everything else. She could see the silhouettes of her present, but the journey was slow and cold, with no destination. Yet, try as she might have for some time, she could muster no resentment towards Ginko, who was almost like a lantern in the fog, or something to pay attention to. As he reached his still growing arms out to try and grab an old beehive (that hopefully had no bees in it), Nui hoped that she would see the day when he did not need her to boost him up, when his arms would be able to grab whatever they desired by themselves. Nui did not want to send him off into the world alone. She truly did not, but she could not think of any plausible alternatives…  
“Nui I got it !” Ginko cried from above. He scooted and slid down, letting Nui hold him around the waist while he landed. He held the old hive triumphantly, admiring all of its holes and grooves and setting a smile to Nui’s face. The sun was beginning to set again, and Ginko wanted to stay out and gestured to another tree past the stream, but Nui insisted they must eat supper. Oh well, he thought. He would have to try and get them out further another time. 

“Nui did you have fun?” He asked Nui on the way back, his beehive tucked under an arm.  
“...Yes, I did have fun Ginko,”

“We should go somewhere” Ginko stated during dinner. They sat in their usual spot on either side of the stove, the afternoon sun beginning to make its way into the room  
“Hmm. Where would we go?”  
“Somewhere fun. Like the ocean! Or the pretend spring place, or a cave..” he continued thoughtfully. Nui’s head shot up in alarm.  
“What do you mean “pretend spring place?” She demanded.  
Ginko gestured towards the scrolls Nui had left in their lesson spot by the window.  
“You wrote that you wanted to go see it.” he said. _Oh wait, he was supposed to not be able to read!_  
Nui was shocked he’d been able to read that and actually understand it. Clearly he was much better at reading than he seemed.  
“That was a long time ago,” was all Nui had to say. It was true, to some extent. How funny it was that both of them had been reading the same old text, and thinking about the same place.  
“Oh. But we can still go, right?” Ginko was just grilling her today with hard to answer questions. Nui only grunted a non-answer that puzzled him. He didn’t understand why these simple questions were so hard for Nui to answer. Why did she hate the idea of leaving her home so much?  
“Are we going to stay here forever Nui?”  
“But..but,” Ginko stammered, growing more worried by the second. He glanced up at Nui with a striking look of distress in his eye.  
“But if we stay here, won’t we disappear forever? Like the fish? And your family?” he blurted out, heart rate pounding. He knew Nui got upset when he said things like this, but he was too fearful to hold it in any longer. What would happen to them if they..died?  
Nui huffed and rubbed her forehead. How was she supposed to break this to him? Tell him that actually, she was going to kick him out and stay here to die? That was too blunt, even for herself.  
“Ginko, you will not...disappear,”  
“But you said that being exposed to the light of the-”  
“I know, what I said, I...I do not know” Nui was shocked to find her own voice cracking with emotion. She really did not know. She watched as Ginko put his bowl down and began to pull his knees up to his face and cry. The future held two paths for them that both of their minds were finally acknowledging - either Ginko and Nui would both disappear into nothingness like her husband and child did, never to be seen again, and gone without a trace. Or...Nui would do what she always was preparing to do and make him leave.  
“Do not cry. The light of the pond will not harm you once you are away from it,” Nui tried to soothe him and cursed silently as she realized what she had just said.  
Ginko only sobbed harder at these words, his shoulders shaking and head pounding from the tears.  
“But that means you’ll die! And...I don’t ha-have any wh- where to-to go!” He barely choked out. As if this gesture would make her stay, he got up and almost knocked her over in a smothering hug that she could not help but return against her better judgement. Her past self had been right- she should have forced him to leave a long time ago, when he still recognized his own given name. Now she was too attached. And too scared 

Nui let Ginko get her shoulder all wet with his tears and probably snot while her own eyes burned. It hurt, the prickling of tears, the way her jaw was clenching up. She did not think she was capable of truly crying anymore, but the hot trail on her cheeks proved her wrong. Maybe it was the thought of death, or maybe it was that feeling of being fully embraced by another human that neither of the two had felt in so long. It was like holding her bawling son again, rocking him to sleep after a crying fit until the only sound was of gentle snoring. Except this time, her son was dead. Her husband was dead, and Ginko and then herself would be dead if she did not do anything in time.

* * *

Nui let him roam free the next day while she washed their futons and blankets. Her head ached from crying silently so much last night and she was too distracted to really pay attention to Ginko. He was farther away, in the corner of her eye doing whatever he was doing. Ginko was absent mindedly trying to poke some of the floating chain like mushi that hung around the steam with a stick when he saw movement. Slowly turning his head, he saw a deer only a few yards away. Its graceful brown body tread slowly through the grass, leaning down to chew the plants. Ginko paused harassing the chain mushi and watched it. I’m the deer head turned and it’s black gaze landed right on him. He froze, careful not to make a noise or movement and stared in awe over how big it was up close.  
“Ginko, where are you?” Nui called, breaking the silence. Ginko cried out as the deer twitched then dashed away in a blur . His legs began to move of their own accord , feeling the need to pursue the deer. Where did they run to when they were scared? He had to know.

Nui could not see where Ginko was and stood to look around, heading only his cry then the rush of rapid footsteps and plants being trampled.  
“Ginko! Come back here!” She yelled, her angry voice betraying her concern.  
She growled out in frustration, dropping the futon into the stream. What did Ginko think he was doing, running off into the forest like this? He would get lost, lost in these trees and cut up by thorns and hungry if she didn’t find him.  
Maybe he’s leaving for good..  
So against her better judgement and with panic now fueling her strides, Nui raced after his clumsy tracks, following the crackle of branches he’d left. And Ginko several meters ahead of her, plowed through the sapling branches getting in his face, over fallen logs and patches of mud under them. His desire to catch the deer quickly melted away though. Instead he was seemingly possessed with the urge to escape this forest, Nui’s home and that haunting pond. He was not going to run away necessarily, but he needed proof, confirmation that there was more out there, that he was not imaging the sight of sprawling fields, rolling mountains that he swore he could peep through the trees, that this deer - that himself, perhaps- had somewhere else in the world to run to.

“Ginko! Get back here right now!” Nui shouted behind him, but he could see it ahead of him and a few more strides and he could see it fully now. He burst through the thinning trees and watched the deer bounding across a wide open green field of rolling hills. The land around him seemed like an endlessly green sea with several little streams like the one in Nui’s forest. He gazed up at the sight in awe at everything, the deer now disappearing in the next patch of woods. Nui smacked her head on a recoiling branch and cursed again before finally reaching Ginko, who had paused on the field.  
“Ginko! What the hell are you-!” Nui panted out, grabbing his shoulder, but halting when Ginko turned to her and pointed out at the field before them.  
She had not seen this field in so long. Scrubby bushes and rocks decorated the thin stream beds, with the hills going farther into the distant blue mountains that she would pass through to get back home. The bright warming sunlight was free to cast its beam everywhere in the open, and her bones felt warmed to the core. Had she always felt that cold?  
““Look Nui,” he said. “It’s so big!” And his smile was as big and bright as that open plain, that Nui forgot about Ginko’s poor behavior for a as the sun melted her recent distress away for a moment.  
“Yes, it is. Now why were yo-”  
“How far does the stream go?” He questioned, not really paying attention to what she was trying to ask him.  
“I-It keeps going that way until it joins a river,”  
“Then what?”  
“Then...it flows out to the ocean,”  
Ginko took this information silently, leaning down to pick up some yellow wildflowers swaying in the breeze. While Nui had earlier been quite upset with him, all the running and worrying had exhausted her. She was just relieved that she had found Ginko safe and sound - didn’t think she would be able to handle any more close calls. Nui sat down heavily in the flowing grass with a huff, surprised at how cool the wind felt through her hair.  
“Have you ever been to the ocean Nui?”  
“Yes. Several times,”  
“Did you like it?”  
“...yes,”  
“Oh. Then why don’t we go to the ocean?”  
Nui opened her mouth then closed it while Ginko awaited an answer.  
“I-cannot leave,” was the only reply she had ready. But she did not believe herself anymore, especially not now while gazing across that vast field.  
“But if we stay here we’ll die.” Ginko said plainly, and he did not feel bad finally stating this anymore. It was true. He knew their lives were ticking away every minute they spent near that pond, and Nui knew it too even if she would not say it. She just needed some help to admit it. Standing up, Ginko wiped grass from his yukata with a small collection of scraggly flowers that he placed in Nui’s palm to place inside as a silent apology for running away from her.  
“I don’t want us to die, Nui,”,” he gently took hold of her hand and looked up, blinking with a solemn seriousness in his eyes that shocked Nui back to the present.  
“I want to see the ocean instead. Doesn’t that sound more fun?”  
_Please say yes..._

Nui sighed and accepted the flowers. Ginko held onto her arm and she wrapped him into a crushing side hug. Ginko was elated that Nui seemed to be happy and hugged her back tightly. Nui had missed this - embracing somebody in a feeling not borne out of fear, or dread, but out of...something else. Ginko was as warm as the sunlight, and she knew the beams and the breeze would be even stronger at the sea. 

“Yes Ginko...it sounds wonderful”


End file.
